The 'Inspire your Life' Podcast with Arthi Rabikrisson

S3 E13 Tasha Ten Spotlight: David McMurtry - Partnerships & Marriage

August 24, 2023 Arthi Rabikrisson Season 3 Episode 13
The 'Inspire your Life' Podcast with Arthi Rabikrisson
S3 E13 Tasha Ten Spotlight: David McMurtry - Partnerships & Marriage
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In episode 13 of Season 3, Arthi is joined by fellow Tasha Ten member David McMurtry with a heart warming discussion about partnerships & marriage. David's greatest accomplishment in life is his marriage to his beautiful wife Allison.

He shares how he and his wife met, started dating shortly thereafter, married, and have been living happily  since then.  David believes his wife is the foundation for which all of their goals are possible & is a true partner in making a difference in their community. 

David has always had a passion & desire to work with children and highlights that since 80% to 90% of the hardwiring of the brain is completed by the age of 3, the earlier we can teach children about the world and how to interact skillfully therein, the better chance of success they have.

David shares how coming to South Africa and teaching underprivileged children was a life-altering experience that enabled him to find his purpose, fueled too by his partnership and shared mission with Allison.  

Some wise words from David:

  • “education is one of the great levelers we have on earth across all countries, ethnicities, race. With education, you have power, you can make choices”
  • “accept the person for who they are and don't expect them to change”
  • “what makes happy kids is happy parents"

Listen to the full episode for so much more insights and ideas offered by this wonderful guest.

 About David McMurtry:

David McMurtry’s mission is to elevate the Early Childhood Education (ECE) industry & improve access to quality ECE for all children through advocacy and legislation, in service of stronger communities and societies. In 2017, he and his wife opened a Goddard preschool, serving over 200 children (ages six weeks to six years old). They grew the organisation into one of the top 5% most successful Goddard schools in the country based on enrollment and revenue. In 2023, David and his wife were awarded out of over 650 Goddard schools the Humanitarian of the Year Award for their dedication to serving their community.

While he is proud of the success of his family business, what is far more important to David is the opportunity it has given him to positively impact the lives of students and their families. David discovered that to change the world through education, you have to start with the youngest learners. 

David is also a public speaker, coach, motivator, having trained tens of thousands across the country with the intention of empowering the adults that inspire our youth.

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Arthi Rabikrisson:

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the inspire your life podcast with me your host, Arthi Rabikrisson. I believe we find inspiration all around us, especially from the stories that we all have in us. My aim with the inspire your life podcast, is to bring some of those real stories to light stories of my guests that resonate with you and me. It's by listening to the stories that we can be inspired and motivate ourselves to overcome, find a new path and rise even higher than we thought possible. Joining me on the show today is one of the Tasha 10 family members. David McMurtry. David's mission is to elevate early childhood education or ECE, acronym, industry and improve access to quality ECE need for all children through advocacy and legislation in service of stronger communities and societies. Isn't that wonderful everyone? Having spent more than two decades working with children, David discovered that in order to change the world through education, you actually have to start with the youngest learners and I absolutely agree with that, actually. So in 2017, he and his wife opened a Goddard preschool in Denver, Colorado, that serves over 200 children from the ages of six weeks old to six years old. And they grew this into being one of the top 5% most successful Goddard schools in the US based on enrollment and revenue ad in fact, this year, they were awarded the Humanitarian of the Year Award for their dedication to serving their community, that is so so beautiful, David. Now everyone, you can tell that David is committed to advocating for an improving ECE across the US. He's also a public speaker, a coach, a motivator. And I mean, he's trained 10s of 1000s across the country with the intention of empowering adults that inspire our youth. But you know, what, everyone, here's the bit that I really love and I think what's inspired the conversation that David and I are going to have today. So you know, when David was preparing, he says that his greatest accomplishment in life is his marriage to his beautiful wife, Allison, and that she's the foundation, which all of these goals are possible. And in combination with her passion for ECE, he really feels this as a true partner in making a difference in his community and together, of course, they're also raising three really, really beautiful kids, as well. So that really got me David, it's such a pleasure to have you on the podcast today. Welcome.

David McMurtry:

Arthi, thanks so much for having me. There's the pleasure.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Wonderful, wonderful and I know we've got such a big time difference between us, but we're making this work, which excellent. David, I've given everyone the sort of bio view a you but tell us more about you and a little bit more personal things that you'd like to share about yourself?

David McMurtry:

Sure, sure. So you kind of mentioned kind of a history of education, which I don't know exactly how it happened. But that has been my life and my career. Outside of, of working at a Mexican restaurant and flipping burgers in college. Every job I've had literally since I was 14 years old, has been working with kids. Whether it was a camp counsellor in my 20s I ended up working, spending time working in the foster care system. And then I ended up spending some time teaching, specifically in middle school. And that was a real adventure. I walked into my first year of teaching thinking, Oh, I'm going to be a great teacher. Like, I'm gonna this is gonna be awesome. Like, the kids are gonna love me. They're gonna listen to me. They're gonna put apples on my desk and it's gonna be you know, some just magical learning experience. Not so much not so much. I got it handed to me by by those middle schoolers, but I did, I did learn and I grow and in the years that followed from my first year I got better at my craft of teaching. I was also coaching high school sports at the time. I coach. I coached tennis, basketball and baseball, still play a lot of sports and I'm like being active each day. But I learned even in that high school, middle school, I was like, man, you know, I really would find value in teaching younger kids, because by the time I got some of these kids in high school and middle school, like they were really missing some gaps, there was some real developmental delays socially, as well as academically. And so I then spent a big chunk of my life working at a nonprofit called Go for it, which was basically a train the trainer model. And so we were working and training on a programme that was life skills based for children in elementary and ECE environments. And every step of the way, I kept saying to myself, Man, I just want to get them younger, because the younger you get kids, in my opinion, the better chance they have for success down the road and there's a couple couple of kind of stats to think about is that in least United States, third grade, is kind of the watermark for reading. And up to third grade, you are learning how to read right after third grade, you read to learn. So again, up to third grade, you're learning the phonics of reading, you're learning structure. After that you're learning about history, you're learning about math, the world, it's no longer the idea of of learning to read. And so for so many kids that aren't able to read by the age of third grade, they are just missing out on, they're always playing catch up. And so even at that point, I dove down even younger, and they say that between 80 and 90% of all the hard wiring in the brain is complete by the age of three, not third grade, but the age of three. And so it's this idea that those first three years are and there's nobody's going to argue with me otherwise, that those are the most informative life altering years of your life, as far as you know, putting the infrastructure, the little infrastructure of synapses, and hard wiring into your brain so that you can succeed later in life. And kind of with that idea in mind, as you mentioned, in 2017, my wife and I opened a preschool and that's where we are today, we've been running it ever since. And as the school grew and started to have success, and that's where you'd mentioned that kind of that that opening bio piece was that I realised the importance of early child, I got really not just election theory, but I saw it on a day to day basis. And I wanted to commit myself not like to my school and the families that I work with and the students that I served. But that wanted to roll this out on a legislative legal level, on statewide and within my city in my community, so that everybody has access to it that children and families who a can't afford it, or two just don't understand the importance of it can get access, though,

Arthi Rabikrisson:

I mean, are you talking about all these lovely intersections around neuroscience and literacy, and I mean, I totally get it what you were saying as well. I mean, I'm, I've got a six year old, and I can already see, you know, how much in terms of learning development and comprehension is already there, compared to like, when I was his age, you know, so things that clearly changed. And I mean, it sounds wonderful in terms of what you're doing. And I can hear the passion behind it as well. So this is where you really make an impact. And you know, David, the one thing I wanted to talk about a little bit about because you said it was life altering, and I love that you've come to my part of the world. So you came to South Africa, and you spend some time in gugulethu in Cape Town. I'd love to know a little bit more about that. How did that impact you?

David McMurtry:

You're sure. So I love South Africa. It will always have a place in my heart. Because I wouldn't say that, that that opportunity was one of the life defining one of those moments that I clearly remember changing my trajectory and I think it's actually a lot of how I ended up in education. So this was in my college years, university years.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

All right,

David McMurtry:

I was lucky enough and had the opportunity to spend almost half a year studying abroad in South Africa in general, but the focal area was that I spent the most time was in and around Cape Town. And Cape Town is a beautiful world class city and one of the unique things that I kind of found is South Africa has an intersection between extreme poverty and extreme wealth. And it really challenged me on a very personal level, my beliefs, my experiences, because you mentioned gugulethu, and for those who don't know what that is, it is a township about 35 minutes outside of the centre of Cape Town. There's about I don't know the exact number but roughly about 100,000 people almost entirely African American community and my friend and I lived in gugulethu. And we were the only white people out of a township of only almost 100,000 people. I stayed with a family for a bunch of months. My my host father was a school bus driver, my host brother was a teacher in one of the schools. And I spent time in the schools, both in gugulethu and throughout South Africa and I was blown away by the joy that the kids had for going to school. I can't speak for around the world. But there is a situation in many schools in the United States where school isn't fun. It's it's it's looked at as a chore, it's looked at as something that you have to do that it's not a blessed opportunity that like, with education, education is the great one of the great leveller we have on earth across all countries, ethnicities, race, with education, you have power, you can make choices, and to take that for granted which large portions of our country can not everybody, but large portions, we have great schools with great well, to support these schools, I went to some of the schools in South Africa in that township in particular and the resources that they had are, you know, 1 billionith the fraction of a school that we have in some parts of the United States. And I saw these kids and the teachers loving it, they loved every bit of it, they were laughing, they were excited to learn, I'd come in and do what best lesson plan I could to work with the kids, and they loved every bit of it. And I had a real aha moment of, you know, if these kids in this, you know, situation can find this much joy in their education, what is it that's preventing some students in the community that I live in from having that same love of learning, and I kind of vowed that I was going to take that lesson and bring it back and subconsciously or not, that may be kind of one of the main reasons why I have always stayed in that education realm or industry.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Okay. I mean, keep me I can just hear it in your voice as well, you as you're relaying it, like that, that that impact around, it really, really sort of resonated and then yeah, obviously, maybe it has played a part in terms of, then you're sort of mission in the space to actually bring that joy and bring that key to early childhood development as well. Brilliant. And I mean, you're doing it alongside one of the greatest partnerships ever. It sounds like in terms of you and Alison, and I want to know more about that, because you're talking partnerships, right? She's sort of that experience of, you know, this this beautiful partnership, this marriage, this relationship that you have together and how it's actually making such beautiful impact, not only at home, but also with the school as well, David?

David McMurtry:

Well, I mentioned in preparation, you asked the question, like, what are some of the most life defining moments of your life? And it popped up quite naturally. And I did ask my wife without rigging the question it what she would say, and I'm happy to report that she also said, the most important best thing, greatest accomplishment, either of us have, have had in our entire lives is the marriage we have with each other and meeting each other it was a pretty like, you know, she, she had been married before. And she had a beautiful stepson, and I basically spent as far as I have no date expert, but I did date a lot in my 20s. One of my big things was that I just wasn't ready for commitment at that time, that's fine. But then, starting in my 30s, I started to enter into what I call the playing house version of dating that which I was starting to think, you know, I actually think that I might be ready to kind of make that commitment and also start a family. And so in my 30s. I was starting to date a little bit more with you know, I'd go on a date. And on the first date, I'd ask, do you want to have kids? Do you want to have more kids?

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Pretty serious questions..

David McMurtry:

I was getting a little bit more serious. But, you know, I'd been on a series even in my 30s of relationships that, you know, didn't were great relationships with with beautiful and smart women, but just never fully clicked. And so I was in a space where I actually wasn't looking for a relationship. And oftentimes, that's exactly when you find a relationship. and so I actually met my wife at a Broncos tailgate, which for those of you don't know, is the big sports team, American football sports team in my home state of Colorado, and we met on a Sunday and went on two dates. And the following year, it was basically a blind date that kind of connected the whole piece of it. But we were pretty much dating a week later and we never looked back. And so ever since that, that, that you encounter that that chance, if not faith based encounter, we have fallen in love. We ended up having two additional boys, I got a full family of three boys. There's a big gamut of boys in our house, and then we on the it was probably the first maybe like the second date and I said, What do you want to do for a career? And she said, I've always had, she was in corporate America at the time.And she said, I have this idea of opening a preschool. And I said, That's it. I want to run my own business. But I want to stay in education and work with younger kids there. And though I actually this whole preschool is I stole her dream and I said, Okay, I'm gonna do it. And so we signed the paperwork to begin the process to buy the land and the business two weeks before we got married. And so we went all in quite quickly. And 8, 9,10 years later, here we are and we work we're literally in the same building, we drive to work most days. I see her all the time and she jokes that we're still as much in love today as we were when we met. So I feel very lucky about that.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

oh, no, I mean, it sounds phenomenal and beautiful. I mean, to be able to you wouldn't just been you recounting, you know, when you actually first met, and that whole beginning piece, it's so vivid and fresh in your mind, like it was yesterday. That's beautiful. And you know, as you saying, this is something that both of you feel is one of the best things that you've done in your life and it sounds like such a beautiful, even beyond marriage, it's a it's a real real partnership of, of minds, of hearts of everything. And it gets you probably the right person for me to ask this question of then what is the key to successful partnership in marriage that, in your opinion, David?

David McMurtry:

Glad you do clarify partnership, marriage is what she and I have. But partnership is also what we are. Partnership comes in so many forms in, in, in life and in how you define a relationship with somebody. But my, my advice is, again, that I kind of break it down, like three main things. And this is advice I would give myself there was so many times in my 20s and 30s when I was dating, and it was a struggle, and it wasn't painful but like there was anxiety around the relationship. Is this the one? Or is she not the one like the she really liked me? Does she not like me, you know, all the insecurities, that pop up And my single greatest piece of advice for anybody, especially early on in their relationship is to have this deep belief and it's not an easy belief to always, you know, believe or cultivate. But it really doesn't have to be that hard. That that it shouldn't be some struggle of trying to make the pieces work. And, you know, is this a good fit or not. I had all of all of these, you know, issues or belief systems leading up to when I met her and the best thing and this is why I think we fell in love so quickly was for our partnership, it was easy, it can be easy. And it was never this easy for me and only once and this is hindsight where you have it only once I actually was able to feel it and realise how easy it was, could I then say Man, I wish I could have done things so much differently in the past, because I now realise you know what it can be. Now keep in mind and my wife and I talked about this all the time that a lot of those ex relationships partnership, they let us they taught us lessons that got me and I to the same place at the same time in the right mindset. So but the other kind of tidbit I would add and this came directly from our relationship is accept the person for who they are and don't expect them to change. If there was a person. If a person changes, great if they change for the better, great if they change to the worse that is what it is. But there was when I met her. I was a humungous closet smoker where I was and I was a healthy person. I mean, I was nobody had any idea but I would like leave a party and I'd run you know, or gathering I'd go smoke a cigarette, and nobody really knew except for my wife did because I get or at a time Allison did because a we're dating and at one point I was living with her and and I said I will not be smoking husband, I will not be a smoking father. And she said I know I believe you and she never was like beat on me, she never, you know, chastised me, belittled me, she, she believed that who I was, was enough. And she believed that, that if it was going to happen, I was gonna make that change. And she did that on so many different fronts of just accepting me for who I am. But I will add a little anecdote which is, the last cigarette I had was the morning of the day I married my wife, Allison, I had committed that I was never going to be smoking husband and and on that day, I had one in the morning, she was at the hotel, she was getting ready, I had last smoke of my my life, and then I went and married her at the altar and said, that's the end of that. And it held it held.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

That's a such a beautiful sort of trust. And that's what I'm hearing, you know, from Allison to you, I mean, the fact that you said, I, this is not who I want it to be. And she just trusted that and said, Okay, you know, you do that, and, and you actually then deliberately did it on this beautiful moment of your wedding day, just before you took your vows and and all of that work, thats lovely So I love those pieces of advice, David, and I, yeah,

David McMurtry:

O Arthi I was just gonna say that this partnership, that advice should go beyond just relationships of, yeah, this can be a work relationship, accepting people for who they are, and still loving them. If they change great, but we have so much energy that we expect them to do something and when they don't do it, it sets this yes, this false expectation, and there's disappointment. Accepting people for who they are doing the best they can with the tools they have, is a really great mindset in general, but particularly true when dealing with your intimate partnerships that whether it's marriage or otherwise,

Arthi Rabikrisson:

of course, of course, I think that is such a great foundation with which to look at any kind of relationship, any kind of partnership, business personal, the fact that each one can be on their own level, but kind of then melding together for particular purpose. On that basis, I think it just sets a really, really good place to work from, you know, without having all these alternative expectations. It releases the baggage, let's put it that way. So I love that and then you know, okay, so let's bring in the parenting component now with with the partnership, right? So you and your wife, Allison, you work with kids, young kids every day, you're in this beautiful partnership together in marriage in business as well, So David, how do you think marriage and and partnership then actually impacts raising of kids be it your own beat to the school that you're running as well? What do you think?

David McMurtry:

Really good question Arthi. I guess what I think about that question is, I do have a front row seat to all kinds of parents, both in the school and with my kids and their parents and their sports in my I have a kid who's in, in high school, or he's 15 years old. And I see it with his friends as well that I deeply believe that what makes happy kids is happy parents. And it ultimately comes down to modelling. Parents get so focused on which school I should send my my child to or what job they should have, or you know, what sports team or which books should they read, they focus on a lot of things about what they want for their child. Right, when in reality, one of the biggest things they should be doing is putting a mirror on themselves, and look at their life, and their partnerships, their career, their health and if you are living a happy life, if you and a partner in particular, and you're raising children, if you to have a happy marriage, if you talk to each other the your partner with respect, if you show them love, if you show them that sometimes you disagree, but that you, you have a way to process those things. Kids will absorb that and they will take that and they will start to model that with other experiences that they have in life. And I will add that I am also a firm believer of nature and nurture. So it's not all about parenting. I firmly believe that you have two parents or two partners that raised two children, the same household under the same modelling principles, and one child functions completely different than the other child. And as parents who have multiple children know what that might mean by that when you're like, where did you come from? Like, nothing like your other child and you were certainly nothing like your mother and I. I mean that he doesn't meet modelling does it mean that they flake you look like you talk like modelling is a basic empathy. It's a basic understanding of being human. And if you can live that, and I see this all the time with kids. With again these parents, there are parents who project their own fears, insecurities and it doesn't always equal this, but the kids who have a harder time transitioning in the school, or have a harder time with various aspects of growing up, you can often connect it to a parent or a situation that they're experiencing at home. And what I want for parents is for them, to to trust, trust the world for their child, I want them to, to let their child take risks, let your child fail, failure is a really good thing, especially younger in the younger years. So they can learn how to adapt, how to create skills and tools that will help them succeed. But so many, so many parents are, are so my parents are trying to move obstacles out of the way. They're trying to prevent their child from feeling any pain and in doing so, they think they're really trying to help their child. But in the end, they're preventing their child from from kind of growing and building those skills. And as I said, going backing it up to role modelling , are you living the same things you want for your kid? Are you taking risks as parents? Are you allowing yourself or your partner to fail? Are you trusting the world? Are you showing your child the world is good? Yes, there's so much chaos right now, this is a crazy time we're living it but if we live in a space where the world is bad, that our kids are going to absorb that as well, if we come from the space that the world is not perfect, but I trust it, I trust that this world can still provide for myself and my family and my community and my friends, that will create a sense of safety for kids so that they can live like so they can, you know, make their their mark on the

Arthi Rabikrisson:

You know, and that's bringing so much up for world. me as well because, you know, in my work as a coach, I see this playing out in terms of the adult who's now in front of me in a coaching session, you know, and when we deep diving, it's because of things that have happened in childhood, it's things that they've seen in the home, in a cultural sort of context, as well, David, so I completely get what you're saying that, you know, they are listening, absorbing, watching, modelling, whatever is going on around them. And when you don't have that ability to cope with stressful situations, or to cope with difficult things and, and be able to build your resilience over time, it definitely plays out in adulthood as well. So that was just coming up for me really released you when you were talking about about this in particular. So maybe you know one thing, and maybe you've given us some really good ideas about risk taking and learning from failure and all of that, what is probably the one key piece of advice you probably want to share with parents about some of the things that they really need to be focusing on, you know, when working with kids, and basically how can they really be present for the kids in a way that allows the kids to show up well for themselves to I mean, because as you said, they learning in their environment, but they're also taking in what's going on with the parents, what is something that you could offer parents in terms of,

David McMurtry:

there's a lot there, I guess, there's many, many tips I would love to give, to give parents but I'd have to go back to that, that original comment, which is happy parents make for happy kids. And so if you are in a marriage or partnership that's not working, and you know it, you've got to do one of two things, you either have to make a change, and that changes like do things differently in your marriage, or you need to get out or fight you know, Sep create some separation. Life is too short to to be in the space of I have to stay in this relationship because. There's there is no exact path like you being miserable in relationship is not going to help your child . You being in having the courage to make a change in the relationship and that can be dealing with in a relationship addiction or, you know, substance abuse or things that doesn't mean that you don't like the person, but you need to be willing to say to your partner or say to your your husband or wife that what they're doing that they are working too much. They're on their phone too much. It is not working, and it is affecting you and it's affecting me and ultimately then is going to affect the child. So it's the reverse of work on yourself first, and then there's that the classic metaphor of you're in an aeroplane, and then on the planeand turbulence, the mass drops down and they say put it on you first so that you can support your child and I think that's a good way of Looking at this, you've got to make sure that you're right. Make sure your relationship and your partnership is right and then you'll be in the space to really genuinely support your child. And I know there's a lot of nuance in what that looks like, we need to be there for our kids and sometimes you just have to make it work for reasons of safety and security, I understand you are in a place where you have the ability to make that change, have that courage, so that you are are living and modelling a happy fulfilled life, so that your kids have that as something to look up to.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Lovely, I love that activity, we've been having such a beautiful conversation, there's so many different avenues we can continue talking about. But I think you know, as you're coming to the end, maybe just give our listeners a quick view on well, what's in store next for you, for Allison's, for your work in early childhood education. What's coming up you?

David McMurtry:

So the next is, is you know, we just expanded the school again and so we're not going to expand anymore, we're going to let that be. And we're going to spend more time again on the kind of the political and the kind of legal aspect of creating early childhood education that works for all and not having to get lost and in bureaucracy. And so we're going to continue to involve ourselves on a state and local level, to help specifically the children of Colorado, have access to great care. So its a big project, it's slow moving, with all things political, two steps forward, one and a half steps back, but too important not to care. Too much is given, much is required.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Wishing you success on your misson with that absolutely it's definitely worthwhile and important. David as we ending off, I'd love it, if you could share something that's quite inspirational for you, maybe even possible for you and your wife that really just keeps you motivated and inspired to you know, have a wonderful marriage and partnership together to do the work that you're doing. What stands out for you, it could be a lyric, a quote, something spiritual, whatever

David McMurtry:

My favourite quotes still comes from Gandhi, which is that idea or the Be the change you wish to see in the world! Don't Don't just sit on the sidelines. If something's not working, don't complain about it be somebody who's willing to to be the change you want to see in the world.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

OKay okay. That's I mean, it's always been a simple yet profound, I think, quote, that everyone should be looking to incorporate in their life and I think it stands true for even today, even more. So I think today, David, thank you so much. It's been such a pleasure having you on the episode today. Wishing you success and everything of the best

David McMurtry:

Arthi you're the best. Thanks so much for having me.

Arthi Rabikrisson:

Thank you, David. Take care. Bye, bye. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode today. If you like what you heard, rate, the episode and podcast and feel free to write a review. Plus, of course, share with others too. I love talking around topics like these. So if you live my perspective or insight in a subject close to your heart, or something that you're grappling with, reach out to me in your comments or send me an email via my website, or connected me via LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook, all my social media on the podcast information. If it's important to you, then it's important to so happy listening to the inspire your life podcast, and catch you soon on the next episode.

About David McMurtry
Welcome David!
Getting To Know David A Little Better
Teaching Children At An Early Age
Teaching In South Africa
The Beginning Of A Beautiful Partnership
Stealing A Dream
What Is The Key To A Succesful Partnership
Acceptance Is Key
Partnerships & Parenting
David's Parenting Advice
What Is Next For David?
What Inspires David?
Thank you Listeners!